Sorry about the mess. For some reason WordPress won’t let me make line breaks. I’ll fix that when I can. The administration has been in office now for just over sixty days, making this the perfect time to share my memories o the event.\nThe trip in to DC was great. Many thanks to Joe and Kelly, and especially Kayla for hosting us. They were gracious enough to put us up for the duration of our stay.Thanks also to Enterprise Rent-A-Car for excellent service, and a nice upgrade. We reserved a pickup truck, as it was the cheapest option. Apparently someone else needed it, so Enterprise upgraded us to a Pontiac G6, which was a pretty sweet ride.We had a great time leading up to the trip, with the exception that my ebook reader conked out, (Still no resolution on that, stay tuned for the possibility of an invective-laced rant if the manufacturer doesn’t rectify the situation soon.), and that Carin spent about a day feeling pretty crappy.We got to hang out with friends, and friends of friends, had great food both out and about and cooked “ourselves”. The quotes are because all I did was chop up some olives. Both Joe and Carin are great cooks, and one night we had a spaghetti feed with homemade sauce and homemade bread. Soooo yummy.The morning of the inauguration was indescribably cold, in addition to which, I completely overestimated my cold tolerance. It had been pretty nice most of the time we were there, and I didn’t wear nearly enough layers. We got up and got to the metro some time around four in the morning, so we were stepping into a whole new level of cold.We were out and about in the frozen, darkness for a good two to three hours before things started to light up and look like daytime.I mixed up our metro stations pretty badly, assuming Federal Triangle and Federal Center must refer to the same stop, simply because I could only find one on our little metro map. So admittedly a fair bit of our extra walking was my fault. However, that doesn’t excuse the fact that the inauguration itself was a complete and total snafu. Not one single uniformed person could so much as point us even vaguely in the direction we needed to go. Keep in mind, there were only three or four points of entry for ticket holders. Such a lack of communication was inexcusable.The pandemonium expressed itself in many ways. The metro closings were not as announced, the cops seemed to be completely without instruction mostly wandering at random, security was a joke, and crowd control was nonexistent. You may have seen the story of the “tunnel of death”. I assure you, attendee reports of the complete failure of inaugural logistics were not exaggerated. There may have been vast numbers of plain clothes law enforcement, but whatever they may have done was completely overshadowed by the utter uselessness, and often the counterproductivity of the uniformed cops and military personnel.It was apparent by the time we got to our assigned area that security was an illusion.It was assumed that security would be airtight, so apparently nobody got any big ideas.In hindsight, if I’d known what I was walking into, I could have snuck an M-72 Light Anti-tank Weapon in to the inauguration of an American President. (I had to google the correct name of that weapon. A kid I knew growing up had an empty tube from one, and that’s been the image in my head since inauguration day.) We were told to bring no bags, no tripods, nothing extra. As it turns out, camera bags, purses, tripods, collapsible chairs, blankets, and all manner of bric-a-brac were allowed in. When we got to the security checkpoint, there were no metal detectors. I was asked to open my coat, and I was half-assedly frisked. They patted down my sides, but not my front or back. If I had been dressed in an appropriate coat, I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say I could have snuck an M-72, or even two, into the inauguration.After being herded like cattle through the security illusion, we were cordoned off by plastic hurricane fencing and expected to wait quietly for several hours. Carin and I had just picked out a likely spot of ground and sat down to wait out the cold when the crowd announced its opinion of the waiting game by stampeding through the hurricane fencing and pushing their way forward by roughly five hundred feet.After catching up with the crowd, and finding them to be about as comfortable as sardines, Carin and I decided to push our luck and see how close we could get.The little x marks about where the  ”fence” was supposed to hold back the crowd. The straight line was just so I could measure my overall progress. Turns out I got right around 850 ft. closer to the incoming President, by being allowed to flagrantly ignore the rules. Our route along the little reflecting pool took us across three different fences, and the only admonishment we received was to get down off the wall of the pool itself, lest we fall through the ice. It was pretty awesome for us, but I can’t overstate the complete lack of security.The final act of I-can’t-believe-this-is-happening was when the cops blocking the section of Capitol Circle in front of us, opened up the area they’d kept clear and let what appeared to be completely random people in. I saw at least three kids jump the fence into the Capitol Grounds. Could have been anybody. And they didn’t get kicked out so far as I could see.All that said, I don’t think I’ve ever been in a place with such an overpowering sense of goodwill. Grouchy bastard that I am, even I couldn’t get upset or annoyed with the millions of people that showed up to witness that morning.I can’t recall my feet ever hurting as bad as they did that day, and after the swearing in and about half of the President’s speech, I sat down on a frozen stone bench closed my eyes and listened. And damned if he didn’t infect me with hope. I know most of my feelings were of relief at the end of the last administration, and that relief brought me to tears. President Obama’s speech finished the job. Even now, even though I think his administration is making a lot of bad choices, I’m hopeful that we can get our country back on track. And I’m trying to figure out what I can do to contribute.On the way out of the inauguration, we could not find transportation to save our lives. Nearly every single barricade remained in place, forcing the crowd to funnel out the same ways we funneled in. Metro stations that were supposed to open up to get people out of downtown stayed closed, and those that were open had tens of thousands of people trying to choke through every entrance. We ended up walking what strangely enough looks like 1.00 miles as the crow flies from where I stood to where Google Earth puts the icon for the Navy Yard Metro station. Best I can figure it it was about 3.3 miles through the lost and wandering route we stumbled through. Makes me feel like kind of a puss to remember it so harshly, but it was so cold my sweat felt like ice water under my jacket, and so windy I couldn’t take the jacket off. Top that off with the fact that I weight 350 pounds and had been on my feet largely on frozen concrete and asphalt for something like seven hours. Perhaps worse was the repeated defeat of finding every entrance to every metro station completely blocked by a mass of people so tight you’d think we evolved directly from coral.Despite all of that I’m glad we went. It was the biggest event I’ve ever witnessed, and one way or the other, it will turn out to have been a pivotal moment in American history.On a side note, I’d like to hand out a world class FUCK YOU to United Airlines for the worst day of air travel I’ve ever had, and the completely callous, dismissive, and downright rude treatment we received throughout our trip home.The plane leaving Dulles had problems with its “air start” which forced the smell of burnt plastic into the plane requiring an evacuation. After about an hour, they claimed to have cycled the air in the plane and that it was ready for us to return. They lied. The smell of burnt plastic ass was still there. We, the cattle passengers were expected to filter the cabin air through our lungs.The plane from Chicago had problems with the luggage loading machinery. I’m not sure if it was internal or external to the plane, but either way, they never did get it repaired. They just kept us on the plane for three and a half hours while they fiddled with it, announcing about every 18 minutes that it should just be another 20 minutes. This whole time, the alternate power supply hadn’t been in operation, so they couldn’t run the air conditioning. I think I now know what the inside of a speculum feels like. It was only at the end of our ordeal that we discovered they’d kept the jetway attached to the plane the whole time. They could have let us out any time within that three and a half hours, but they chose not to. How did we find out about this? Because the brakes on the jetway froze, preventing them from disconnecting it. Another forty minutes wasted.After that, you’d think they’d have set us up with some sort of courtesy in Los Angeles, since we’d utterly missed our connecting flight. No such luck. No meal voucher, no apology, not even basic courtesy. Not only did we miss the next flight too, but they dragged us out to the plane home, let us look at it longingly for a few minutes, and then sent us back into the airport, telling us we were too fat. Being that we were the delayed passengers the ubiquitous United announcement that “We’d like to offer a free round-trip ticket anywhere in the contiguous United States to anyone willing to give up their seats.” was actually on our behalf. So get this. They tell us we’re too fat to get on the 2nd to last plane, still won’t give us any kind of consideration, but when we turn in our worthless “you have a ticket, but you don’t have a seat” tickets for real tickets on a later flight, (which was already our only option), they give us free tickets to somewhere else.I hope other folks can manage to swing this “deal” so here’s how it goes.This was a puddle jumper connection from LA to San Luis Obispo.1. We missed flight A.2. We get “tickets” on flight B which aren’t actually linked to seats on the plane.3. Nobody else was about to give up a seat for us, so we gave up our fake tickets.4. They give us our consolation tickets, then haul us out to plane B anyway but don’t let us on the plane.5. We get on flight C miserable and angry, and toting two free tickets on what should be called “Go Fuck Yourself Air”.I’m still glad we went, and I’ll post more pictures eventually. This thing is way too long anyway, and may be split into separate entries at some point.

Recovered from yesterday. Went barhopping a little tonight. Good time. Can’t remember the name of the bar, but it was pretty good. Had yummy fries there. Went to some other bar and had dessert. Spent a ridiculous amount of time arguing back and forth between Carin, Joe and myself whether a person could in fact be cut in half by an errant cable. The cable in question is an arresting cable from an aircraft carrier. The consensus between Carin and myself from the physics point of view is that such a cable, being of high mass, and under tension, when imparted with a very large amount of energy by an aircraft traveling at full speed, could indeed render a human body into two distinct segments by causing both trauma and acceleration to the lower torso. While the term “cut” is highly mutable in this scenario, the general upshot is that the forces involved are completely beyond human scale, and that despite the relative toughness of the human body (as attested to by Joe, the Johns Hopkins medical student (way to go, Joe, you rock)) it simply couldn’t withstand such an event. It was also agreed that timing and position would play a large role in determining the extent of damage.

DC Fireworks very pretty. Got pics. Falafel yummy. Got fitshaced drunk. The Black Squirrel is a kick-ass bar.So yeah. That’s what I wrote while still bleary-eyed drunk. The day was overcast and dreary, but we found a great place on the Mall to wait for the fireworks. After the rain set in, we moved under a nice tree, and shared a couple of beers and some conversation with a couple of folks whose names now escape me. He’s an Iraq war veteran (2 tours, if memory serves), and they were kind enough to share their beer while Carin and I waited for Joe and Kelly and my mom to show up. Fireworks were flippin’ awesome, and I’ll have to remember to post the pics and videos when I get back to civilization broadband.

After that, we walked through the rain, and the insanely crowded crowd back to the hotel and then hoofed it to the metro out to Adams-Morgan, where we proceeded to meet the rudest bartender in the world. Seriously, she was so rude to another guy at the bar, that I took back the tip I’d already laid on the bar. After that, we moved down the street to The Black Squirrel, which was a kick-ass beer bar. I don’t remember the chap’s name, but our waiter was incredibly cool. Not only did he offer up a whole bunch of excellent beer suggestions, but since they were no longer serving food, he let us go next door to the falafel place (which was fuh-hreakin awesome) and bring our bounty back with us to The Black Squirrel. Several beers and falafels later, I was as drunk as I’ve ever been in public, and having a great time. Once we were done there, we accosted a taxi driver and convinced him to take us back to the hotel in exchange for some green pieces of paper with little pictures of dead white guys on them. Seemed like a good deal to us.

Rather than wake my poor mom up an hour and a half before she had to go to some sort of meeting, we wandered around down town and ended up eating a truly awful breakfast at this place called McDonald’s. Seriously, I can’t recommend this place at all. Food sucked, bathrooms were squalid, and the decor might as well have been constructed from cardboard.

We arrived back at the hotel just about in time to wish my mom a good day, and we all piled into the beds for sleep.

Oh yeah. At some point during the evening’s wanderings, I performed my world-famous Tarzan impression for a pretty much deserted downtown. That was sweet.

Open Top bus tour sucked. Bastards left us at the National Cathedral for almost 2 hours. Saw Love Guru (which sucked), washed laundry.

I really dug the pottery, and was unusually fascinated by cuneiform writing. I also got a few decent pictures of precious gems and stuff.

Got up relatively early today (10 or 11) and rode the metro down to the Mall. Caught the National Air & Space Museum, and the National Archives. Half the time I spent in line I was thinking that we as Americans are so literal minded, it might not be a bad idea to just let the documents perish and embrace the ideas they bequeathed to us. When the interminable waiting was over, so was my silly mental rambling. It’s worth the wait. I’m not usually one to value the object as much as the meaning, but in this case, the objects convey a much stronger dose of meaning than usual. If you’re in town, you really should go see the articles of freedom.Also today, we went to see Mama Mia! Best show I’ve seen in ages. Well cast, well sung, highly energetic cast, and there’s really nothing not to like. Okay, so I’m way behind on these posts, and since I originally wrote this, I’ve seen the movie version. So if you saw the movie version, it pales in comparison to the DC production. I have never seen a more energized cast, and I’m considering going back to DC just to see this show again. If you are in the area, you really must see this show. I’m not saying the writing is brilliant, or that the plot is life changing, it’s simply that I’ve never seen a show come together so well and be so much fun.

Some time last night, every single muscle in and around my left knee seized up as though trying to turn to stone. Took all night and most of the day resting, plus a really hot bath to loosen it up enough for me to gimp around a little. Carin was kind enough to do the hunting and gathering and brought back a yummy sandwich from Potbelly Sandwich Works. Far as I can tell, it’s a chain. Damned good sandwiches, but the people who work there are slow and inattentive, so it’s a good place for when you have some time to kill. Once I was fully awake, I paid the bucks to get an internet connection to see just what was going on with my ATM card the last couple of days. Turns out when the hotel (The Westin: City Center, be warned) needed a card to cover incidentals, they put a $2,200 hold on my account, thus crippling my vacation plans. The best they could do was authorize a reversal of the charges, which should take effect Monday. Color me PISSED!

However, all was not lost. Thanks once again to the lovely DC Metro, Carin and I went to Union Station, did a little window shopping and saw WALL*E (or however the hell it should be spelled). Very good movie, and I especially liked the traditional short film that preceded it, and which seemed to be based on the video game Portal. A lovely evening was had by all.

Oh yeah. And I was able to get in touch with Joe and Kelly, friends of mine from high school I haven’t seen in at least a decade. They’ll be joining us on The Mall for the Independence Day Festivities. Shiny!

HWF, or Hiking While Fat, is a common ailment of the fat man who, while considering himself active, often forgets how long it has been since he was last active. So our hike yesterday ran to about 6 miles, and consequently, our feet were in poor shape. So we decided to familiarize ourselves with the DC subway system, which so far has turned out to be relatively clean, very efficient, and beats the heck out of walking. We took our time at the International Spy Museum and managed to burn most of an afternoon there. A good time was had by all, but really, use your $18 to subscribe to The History Channel in HD, and you’ll get a better experience. Throw in a little research on Google, and you’ll get plenty more interactivity than the museum provides.

So today was our first real day in DC. Transferred from our surprisingly nice hotel (Courtesy Inn & Suites) in a fairly scary part of town, to our totally posh hotel (The Westin: City Center), which is just a couple of blocks to the mall. Carin took a nap while I played around with Google Maps a bit trying to see what was close. After she woke up, we gave the google thing up as cute but impractical, and grabbed a tourist map from the concierge.

From said map, we managed to do quite a bit of site seeing on foot. We covered St. Matthew’s Cathedral, The White House, The National Mall, The Washington Monument, The World War II Memorial, The Korean War Veterans Memorial, The Vietnam Veterans Memorial, and the Einstein Monument. And fireflies.

I had never seen fireflies before, and at first, given the several hours of walking in the heat and humidity, I thought I just might be having some kind of “episode”. Turns out I was getting my first early evening look at fireflies. They’re pretty, and fascinating, and just a little bit magical. Shiny!